Pregnancy is supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy the natural processes of the body. For me this couldn’t be further from the truth. I have so many balls in the air right now, I feel like I barely have time to breathe. In reality, I do get down time in the evenings and weekends but work is very full on and I’m constantly thinking a few weeks ahead.
I commented to Craig on the train this morning on our way to our doctor to get the results of the first trimester screen that I couldn’t afford to get bad news with everything going on. So of course that was exactly what happened. Both she and Craig beat around the bush a bit talking about our choice to go with the community midwives for the birth, but I was keen to get the results back. She said, “well it’s not all good news”.
What it was in fact was a 1 in 141 chance that our fetus has Down Syndrome. High risk. Shit.
She asked me what I know about amniocentesis. I told her. I also said that we were very clear that we wanted to go ahead with further testing if we got a high risk result. She explained a bit more and said she’d fax through a referral to KEMH for the testing. She said they should call within a few days and the amnio should hopefully happen within a week.
So I get a big needle poked through my abdomen. I hate needles. Also, it means we now have to consider in more detail what we will do in the case of more bad news. Of course we will therefore hold off telling people until we get more news. I may not be able to have the amnio until week 15 and it can take up to 10 days to get all of the results back.
There are some good points however. The doctor said that she’d sent five high risk couples off for amnio and they’d all come back clear. Also, a clear result with an amnio is 100% reliable for chromosomal abnormalities. Plus you get to find out the gender sooner. 1:141 is actually less than a 1% chance, it still feels really bloody scary though.
It’s all still sinking in. I came in to work after the appointment, mostly to try to take my mind off things. That seemed to be working in the morning but it’s getting harder. My game face is slipping and people at work are beginning to notice that I’m upset.